God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
