I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
