the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
