She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
