Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
