Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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