sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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