he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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