DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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