Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
they're like a gay fantastic four
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
