all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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