Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
