i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
