I've blown a few things in my day
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
