I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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