you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Houston, we have a squirter
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
But break dance skills will only take you so far
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
