If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
