Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
