There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
