Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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