I want to make a zoo with you.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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