i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
