I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I supernannyed him into submission
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
