Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
How does it feel to date your dad?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
