im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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