I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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