the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
