I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
