did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Acid is not a monday night drug
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
