Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
