i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
