Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
