So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
