Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
