im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
