i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize