u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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