I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
