i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize