I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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