My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He shit in the fireplace
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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