You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
