Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
