My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
