We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
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