bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
