also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
