Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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