oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
