just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
