I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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