Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
