i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
