So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
