so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
