He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Come share oat with me in your robe
We are all done wearing pants today
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
