running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I want a musical about memes.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
This toilet bowl is my home.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
