Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
