The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
