After last night, I could never be a politician.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
