The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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