Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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