Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
