Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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