I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
