I don't usually arrange sex via text message
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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