Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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