i permit you to call me
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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