Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
