I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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