he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
