I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
