I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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