omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
