When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
