so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
she pinky promised me she was 18
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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