Need sex. Gaining weight.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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