i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
