I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
