I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
