So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
