I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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