I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Boobs speak an international language.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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