My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
pray to the hookup gods
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
