Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
