you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
then he tried to convert me to islam
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize