Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
