Having a random hookup so left but love u
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
