My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
