Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
