I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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