I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
