Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
