I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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