my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
