I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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