wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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