How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
