Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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