so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
