She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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