I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
