Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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