I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Randomize
