your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
