i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
