I think I am morally bankrupt
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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