i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
