if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
