omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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