okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize