we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize