well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
